50 Shades of Abuse, Domestic Violence and Awkwardness...would you like salt on your popcorn?

I'm going to start things off with a little walk down memory lane. Throw your minds back to mid 2012, a simpler time, if you will. Picture little 17 year old Laura, working part time in a book shop - a mind full of wonder, innocence, and hopes for a better world; hair probably tied back with a white ribbon. Am I over doing it? Perhaps, but bear with me.

Always keen for a good book and with an urge to be well read, I consulted the New York Times best seller list in my break to see what should be my next read. "50 Shades of Grey", I thought, brow furrowed as I read, "That's funny. I think we've got that book on the front counter". Alas, we did, and I picked it up, reading the blurb. It didn't sound too bad, the book was on sale - my date with destiny was set - and so I purchased it after my shift, and headed home, my fate sealed with a book that would soon be breaking records world wide.

I am sure you are no stranger to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon - you've possibly read it, you're probably going to see the movie - and because of this, I'm also sure that you're no stranger to the controversy that has surrounded this series. People often roll their eyes when others speak out about this series celebrating domestic violence. "No", they say, a condescending smile on their face (and quite often an eye roll), "It's BDSM. Have you heard of that before?"

Trust me, if I had no idea what BDSM was before I read 50 Shades, I sure do now.

However, it's not BDSM that people have an issue with. According to the BDSM community, in fact, 50 Shades of Grey does not portray BDSM accurately at all. The main issue that a lot of people, myself included, have with the books is that they celebrate and normalise emotional abuse to such an extent that it is considered romantic. Domestic violence all too often is emotional - bullying, stopping the partner from seeing their friends, causing fear in the minds of the victim to the point that their entire life revolves around their abuser.

Emotional abuse is just as dangerous as physical violence because the signs are so much easier to hide. There are no bruises or scars that need to be covered up, but the damage is still there.

Clare Phillipson, director of Wearside Women in Need, a domestic violence charity, highlights that the problem with this book series is that it endorses the ideas that many men exploit to keep women in an abusive relationship: "that you can heal this broken man, that if you just love him enough and take his shit enough, he will get better".

Here are a few examples of quotations from the book that show that this kind of relationship is anything but okay. You can find some of these quotations on movie posters here - they're pretty powerful.

""Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?""

""No, please. I can't do this, not now. I need some time. Please." "Oh Ana, don't overthink this.""

""You need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man." He'd probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing."

It's funny, because while I definitely was a bit unsettled when I read the book, it normalises this relationship to such an extent that it makes it seem okay. It turns domestic violence into a love story, and romanticises the controlling and stalking so much that millions of women (and men) have flocked to the cinemas for the chance to see some sex and a tonne of abuse - wow, what a way to spend Valentine's Day.

50 Shades of Grey is definitely not the first, and sadly won't be the last, element of pop-culture that celebrates the abuse and exploitation of women. Cast your minds back to "Blurred Lines", the horrendously catchy song with the horrendously awful message about how he "know(s) you want it". Or maybe Grand Theft Auto - while I've never played any of the video games in this series, I've heard about how it celebrates the rape of women.

Why is this acceptable? Why is it that women are finding 50 Shades of Grey so romantic? We're a clever bunch - we're not getting sucked in by the abuse, it's something else. Is it the mysteriousness? Is it how Christian showers Ana with gifts? The sex?

But why is this book so 50 Shades of Wrong?

Because Ana loves him out of his moods. Ana loves him out of (some) of his abuse. And in real life, men like Christian Grey, the man that we're all supposed to be swooning over; the man who is supposed to be the equivalent of a Greek god in the 21st century, never change. 

So when you go to pick up the book or pay for your movie ticket, think about whether or not emotional violence is something you really want to be endorsing. Think about how this movie normalises an abusive relationship that at times, borders on stalking (and other times is definitely stalking). Instead of spending your money on the movie, donate it to a domestic violence shelter. Alternatively, have a night in with friends; buy $14 worth of chocolate (it'll get you further in Kmart than anywhere else); go to see a different movie; or burn your money and use it to keep you warm in winter.

Do it for yourself, do it for the movement against domestic violence. In the 21st century, we cannot let domestic violence be glamourised like has been in this movie. 1/3 women and 1/4 men have been victims of domestic violence - let's not do them a disservice by turning their ordeal into a love story.

And finally, a message from 17 year old Laura who was absolutely traumatised when she realised it wasn't a vampire story like she originally thought - abuse aside, the book was pretty crap anyway.

2014: The year that was. 2015: The year that will be...?

One of my New Years resolutions this year was to write at least 12 blog posts. I had previously tried to blog before but I had never stuck with it, and this year was the year I decided to really get into it. I started off writing about beauty and lifestyle, but I didn't upload all that often. That changed in May, when I stumbled across the #YesAllWomen movement on Twitter. This was when I realised that I had been writing about what I thought people wanted to read instead of what I cared about, and this is when Laurables took a turn from being my lifestyle/ makeup/ fashion rambles (I occasionally blog about all that jazz at Laura Robin) to being centred on social justice and issues that I believe are important.

I think one of the best things about writing my blog has been it behind me meeting new people and the beginning of new conversations. A few weeks ago I was out with friends at a bar and a girl who I had met a few times before came up and told me that she loved my blog. That's happened a few times and it makes me so incredibly happy because it's creating discussion about issues that (I believe) are important, and that's one of the bits about this blog that I love. It's very touching to hear that someone has enjoyed and believes in something that you have written, so thank you!

2014 was an interesting one - I had a surgery and a few procedures on my back, and while the last half of the year was fairly interesting in regard to my health I'm looking forward to starting 2015 all healthy. I'm halfway through my university degree, and I swapped majors halfway through the year as what I want to do with my life has became a little bit clearer (not lots clearer - I still have about 7 career options!). I also travelled without parents/ teachers for the first time this year to Cambodia and Singapore with a good friend from school. I had an amazing time and I'm planning to do something like that again. I also went to Melbourne to see family, down to Albany for a university trip, and to my friend's farm.

So, what will 2015 bring? I plan to keep writing of course, continuing to focus on issues that are important to me. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them - message me on Facebook, message the Laurables page, or comment on this blog/ a Facebook post. In my actual life, I'll be living away from home for the first time while I study abroad in England (!!!) which has been a dream of mine since I was about 8. I will be keeping a separate blog of my adventures and if you're interested it can be found here - at the moment it has a lot of bad quality iPhone photos of the trip that I am currently enjoying with my immediate family in Europe but there will be more writing once the semester starts.

I feel like I should write a few New Years resolutions because that's really where this blog began. So I'd love to keep writing, become more organised, keep fit (these are getting more and more unlikely) and see as much of the world as I can. One quotation that I read in 2014 that I'd like to keep in mind for the new year - "do what you can, with what you have, where you are".

I'll be celebrating the New Year with my family here in York, England. It will be a warm 7 degrees tonight (as opposed to -2 like it is right now) but we'll probably be asleep when the clock strikes 12. I think I'll be going out to dinner with them, counting the New Year in for Perth (4pm local time), and then head to bed early. Exciting stuff!

Thank you to anyone and everyone who has read, liked, shared or suggested a post this year - I feel like I have finally found a passion and thank you all for supporting it. I hope that you had a wonderful year, and that 2015 is even better for you.

Goodbye 2014 - it has been a great one.

Here's to 2015!

What Christmas Means To Me

Christmas has always been my favourite day of the year - my close friends know that I start getting excited in August, thinking about what presents to buy in October, and put up the decorations in my bedroom in November.

When I was younger I would get beyond giddy about Santa arriving - a favourite holiday story of my family is of the year dad got me so wound up about Santa's path through the sky that mum had to give me Panadol so I'd sleep. Christmas would be at home or in Melbourne - at home, we'd spend the day with my Nanna and uncle with family friends who also didn't have much family in Perth, and over in Melbourne we'd celebrate with my Grandma and all the uncles, aunties and cousins on mum's side of the family.

This year's a bit different because I'm in Germany with my family! While we're usually enjoying the heat (well, sort of) with a huge feast, probably a swim, and definitely some backyard cricket, this year we'll be heading to a restaurant for the first time ever and having a bit of a quiet day. We're expecting a high of 5 degrees Celsius and while we're not holding our breaths for a white Christmas, we should be getting snow on Boxing Day. Instead of piling food on serving trays out of the ovens, we'll be piling on the coats and walking to a restaurant (and I am more than okay with this).

I was absolutely flat out in the run up to Christmas because we left on the 19th of December and I won't be returning home with my family - I'll be in Europe until July on a student exchange program. I didn't put any Christmas decorations up, I barely bought Christmas presents (I know, naughty me) and I didn't make my traditional Christmas cookies. It honestly didn't even feel like Christmas was coming up because I had a to do list a mile long between then and now. Now that it's the night before though, I'm getting so excited - being nearly 20 (oh dear) has not dulled my enthusiasm in the slightest.

So, what does Christmas mean to me?

Christmas means amazing food - I have fond memories from Christmas last year in Melbourne when various family members were lying borderline comatose around the living room after one too many helpings of Christmas dinner. I love the days after Christmas when leftovers are readily available, and the feeling of being uncomfortably full (although last year when I woke up on Boxing Day feeling that way, and continued to overindulge at my Grandma's birthday celebrations, I wasn't quite as pleased with myself).

I love spending time with my family, and that's my favourite part of Christmas. While in the past, I used to get giddy at the prospect of presents, I now relish spending the day with relatives in the eastern states who I only get to see once a year, and having my entire immediate family together. We're all so busy, and Christmas is the one day of the year that the world seems to mostly stop and we all get to spend time together.

This year I'm trying to keep in mind that there are some people who will be spending Christmas without their families, maybe for the first time. With a few tragedies in Australia over the last few weeks, this has been at the forefront of everyone's minds more than ever. So while you're doing your thing at Christmas, spare a thought for those who are missing someone special this year or feeling lonely. Holidays seem to be the time of the year when our losses feel magnified, so I hope that everyone who is without a loved one still has a wonderful day with others who are close to their hearts.

I'm writing this on Christmas Eve, sitting on a couch in Munich. My sister is lounging around and my brother is constructing his Christmas stocking as instructed by mum and dad (my turn next - hopefully it at least somewhat resembles a stocking). My dad is watching some skiing on the TV and my mum is wrapping presents in the room next door. 

I just returned from making my Christmas stocking (mine's the best [I decided]) and an impromptu singalong with Mariah Carey to "All I Want For Christmas". We set up a little Christmas tree on the table and now we're setting up to watch Elf.

And while it's different to what my Christmases usually are, it means just as much to me.

I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are, filled with at least some fun, festivities and laughter.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a goodnight!

Be a man about it

A good friend of mine contacted me about writing this article, and I am honoured to be able to. Someone who she knew was murdered in Melbourne a few weeks ago. Someone she was at college with went out one Friday night. He was 21 years old, a third year student at the University of Melbourne. He did what a lot of young people do - celebrated the end of the week out with some mates.

The only difference is that Josh Hardy didn't come home.

Shortly after 1am on that Saturday morning, Josh was attacked outside a McDonald's restaurant. This attack rendered him unconscious, before he passed away in the early hours of Saturday. While these devastating deaths often occur after a "coward's punch" (formally known as a king hit), Josh was brutally stomped on. 

Josh had a mother, a father, a sister. He had a future, he had goals. And now that has all been taken away from him. It is so unfair that someone who meant so much to so many people could be taken away so quickly in an act of violence initiated by someone he didn't even know.

While there has been legislation put in place with mandatory sentencing laws, I don't think this is where the change needs to start. When these men are pulling their fist back, they aren't thinking about the 10 years that they are getting for a coward's punch. They're not thinking about the lives that they are ruining - including their own. They're thinking that this is the fastest, easiest and best way of solving the problem - and this is what needs to change.

In Australia, we have such a culture of being a "bloke"; being a man, being strong, being masculine. It's cool to be rough, it's cool to be tough, it's cool to stand up for yourself and it's cool to get into a fight.  But anyone who is reading this, I implore you to understand just this: you are no less strong or masculine if you walk away from a fight. You are no less of a man if you choose not to engage in this sort of behaviour. There is nothing wrong with walking away from a fight.

While women are also involved in random incidents of violence such as this (glassing incidents come to mind), I think it would be ignorant of me to say that this is a problem that both genders are faced by equally. Although I do write a lot about how gender inequality has negatively impacted my life, and the lives of females throughout the world, I also want to write about how gender inequality negatively impacts males.  Men are taught to be strong and powerful; they are taught that they need to protect their pride; and they are taught that a lot of this power comes from their physical strength. Maybe all of these things are true and important, maybe they're not. What is true, though, is that this can't be all men value themselves for. We need our young men to understand that they are valued for their thoughts, their feelings, and just being them. We don't value them for their physicality, and we definitely don't want the things we love about a person being taken away in a split second because of theirs, or someone else's, split second decision. 

The man who was responsible for this attack handed himself into police the morning after the incident after he heard reports about what had happened. This is not a man who is trying to run away from the law. This is a man who was also having a night out on the town - something that ended with devastating consequences. There is no doubt in my mind that this man is the party who is at fault for this - this is the man who made the decision that killed someone. However it was a split second decision, and this is why our culture needs to change. 

I'm writing this, not only to the men who may be victims, but to those who may be perpetrators as well. These men were innocent until the cowardly punched someone else - an act of drunken violence that, while it doesn't excuse their actions at all, was a split second decision that has now changed their lives forever. These men are also someone's brother, son, boyfriend, friend. I completely support mandatory sentencing for coward's punch attacks, however I think the actual culture of nightlife and of young men in Australia needs to be changed.

I don't want there to be a reason to put these young men away. I don't want there to be a reason that we are honouring another young man who was just trying to have a good night out with his friends. 

 Let it go. If someone knocks into you, spills your drink, whatever, just walk away. I promise you that it's not worth getting involved - it was probably an accident, and if it wasn't, you don't want to get involved with them anyway. If you are the one who bumps into someone or knocks their drink accidentally, apologise if you feel the situation warrants it. Sure, it was a complete accident, but sometimes being safe is more important than being right. 

You tell me what is more cowardly: walking away from an altercation, or throwing a punch at someone who had their back turned?

So, while the man who was responsible for this is in my thoughts because of a split second decision that he made while he was probably drunk, the fact remains that he did the wrong thing. He took away the life of a young man who was successful, a good friend, a devoted family member and part of his community. He made a split second decision that has ricocheted out of control, hitting more people than they probably ever knew was possible. He made a choice.

Josh didn't.

Next time you go out, I want you to make a choice. Make a choice to be a man (or woman) about it, and say no to these acts of violence that are destroying people's lives. 

Check Your Neck

My neck and collarbones have always been up there with my favourite body parts - when you have size 11 feet and a huge nose, you tend to appreciate the more delicate of your qualities.

Unusual, then, that I didn't notice the massive lump on the right side of my neck.

About three months ago, I went to see a doctor in relation to a completely separate issue, and before I even sat down to talk to the specialist, he said "wow, that's a big thyroid problem you have". I'd never noticed the large lump on the right side of my neck - I'm still not sure how long it was there for - but there it was.

Your thyroid looks like a butterfly and is found on your neck. It's one of the largest endocrine glands in your body (thank you Wikipedia) and consists of two interconnected lobes. The function of the thyroid (in non medical terms) is to release the hormones that regulate how a lot of how your body works. It's pretty small, but it's also pretty busy.

I had some tests, and after seeing both a thyroid surgeon and an endocrinologist, it was decided that while there was a large lump on the right half of my thyroid (taking up 90% of that half, in fact), there was nothing sinister about it and that it would be fine to leave everything be. If the cyst did need to come out though, I was told, my entire right thyroid would have to be removed as the cyst was too far engrained in my thyroid to be removed by itself. My hormone levels were perfect, and a follow up appointment was booked for three months down the track, just to see if anything changed. Due to the cyst being multi chambered, we couldn't perform a needle biopsy to check for the presence of cancer, however the doctors were confident that the risk was incredibly low.

One of my friends named the cyst "Clyde", and so that's what we all called him. People enquired about how he was going, and it sounds quite gruesome and disgusting, but it was all very funny.

Until, all of a sudden, it wasn't.

The lump had been quite sore for awhile, my voice had got a little lower, and I could definitely feel that the lump was pressing on my windpipe, which it hadn't been before. As it was only a few weeks until the appointment with the surgeon, we decided to wait until then. My appointment was on Monday the 13th of October, the Wednesday before I had to have an ultrasound, and on Friday morning we received a call from the surgeon telling us that the lump had grown quite a bit and it was going to need to come out.

When I was first told about the potential for a surgery, back in July, the scar was mentioned. I wasn't worried at all, and joked about how I'd have a battle scar and I didn't care at all. I wish I could say I reacted this way when I was told my right thyroid definitely had to be removed. I wish I could say that I brushed off the idea of a scar and that I was completely fine with the idea, however in all honesty, I really wasn't. It's funny, because I never considered myself that vain before, but I was devastated with the knowledge that I was going to permanently have a huge line across my neck and that there was nothing I could do about it.

I saw the surgeon in our scheduled appointment time that morning, and that afternoon, at 4pm, I had surgery to have my right thyroid gland removed, called a hemi thyroidectomy. When I woke up I spent some time in recovery ("You have a fever, they cook the patients in those operating theatres I swear"), and then was moved up to a nice ward. The first thing I did (after requesting and receiving dinner) was to put on the news - I knew that I would be upset about the scar, and so I wanted to get some perspective on life.

So, what happened after the surgery?

The general anaesthetic really rattled me, and Friday was the first day I made it without a nap - it might have helped that I slept until 11. I wasn't in much pain until Friday, and since then I have been quite uncomfortable. The location of the surgery means that moving my neck is, quite literally, a pain in the neck (ahh good one Laura), it's quite painful to swallow which makes eating difficult, and it also means my voice is nice and croaky (and squeaky sometimes).

Why am I writing this blog post?

Firstly, hey, I now have a massive scar on my neck, and this is why!

Secondly is for awareness. It concerns me a little to think about how long this cyst would have been there before I noticed it - we still don't know how long it was there for before the other specialist saw it. I was so lucky that the lump was found when it was - if we'd only noticed the lump when it started hurting, in September, we wouldn't have known that it had grown and so it would have had to be removed (if it grew more, which my surgeon has since told me it would have) in December. This would have put my plans for next year - six months in England on exchange - in jeopardy.

And finally, I wrote this post just to put down my thoughts.

This was something that rocked me a bit, although I never got super upset over it. However, yeah, it was quite scary. A lot of people commented that they were much more worried than I was, and I think it was like that for a few reasons. Firstly, there wasn't much I could do about it so there wasn't too much point in getting flustered. Secondly, I was going to be asleep for it so it wasn't really my problem. And thirdly, I thought it was quite a small surgery - I didn't realise the extent of it until after.

I wrote some of this post right after my ultrasound, and the majority on Sunday the 19th of October, however I'm adding a small bit now (Monday the 20th of October). I'm out of the house today, still struggling to move my neck a lot (me walking through uni is a fairly unique vision), however feeling much better. I saw my surgeon this morning, and am so thankful to be able to say that, following pathology tests, the cyst and my thyroid are cancer free. We don't know why Clyde grew, but he did. In a few weeks I'll have some blood tests to check my thyroxine levels, and after that, well, we'll see.

I also saw my actual scar for the first time this morning, after the final dressings were removed, and no, I'm not going to lie, it really isn't the prettiest thing out. It's a lot smaller than I was expecting, it's not as dark in colour, but I still have a scar stretching across my neck that wasn't there before. You can see it in t shirts, and I'm sure some people saw it at uni today and thought it was a bit unusual. But, strangely, I'm at peace with my new "battle scar".

My neck and collarbones have always been up there with my favourite body parts - when you have size 11 feet and a huge nose, you tend to appreciate the more delicate of your qualities. Unusual, then, that I have a fairly ugly scar right across the front of my neck.

More unusual, I guess, is that (surprisingly), I don't mind.

P.S. I also wanted to say thank you for the support I have received from my beautiful family and friends - I have been showered with love, chocolate, ice cream and presents, none of which I deserved, but everything that made the last week a little easier. I had some lovely visitors, as well as countless texts and messages of support from my good friends and family members. Thank you all so much - I was definitely cheered up a lot.

Thank You, Emma Watson

I've been writing a few blog posts lately, and after Emma Watson's beautiful speech, I had to take my rant about how some people are changing the term "Feminism" and fashion it into, what I can only hope, will be a response to her speech that hopefully does it at least some justice.

Dear Emma Watson,

Thank you for speaking to the UN about the importance of women's rights. Thank you for understanding that gender inequality is not just an issue faced by women, and that it is a problem that negatively impacts both genders: men, because they are expected to be strong and stoic by withholding their emotions; and women, because we do not receive equality in society's expectations or treatment. Thank you for presenting so beautifully on such an important topic. Emma Watson, thank you so much for understanding that being a feminist does not mean forgoing everything feminine.

And above all, thank you for putting the importance of feminism back on the agenda, and presenting it in a beautifully unaggressive manner.

Many women do not identify themselves as feminists due to the negative connotations that now surround the word. Feminism is not about men and women competing. It is not about women wanting to be better than men. Feminism is about bringing women up to be equal with men: politically, socially, and economically. 

If you are a man, who thinks that women should get equal pay, you are a feminist. If you believe that gender shouldn't matter when it comes to getting jobs, you are also a feminist. If you think that women should be lorded above men, and should receive higher pay rates because we're the better gender, you are not a feminist. You are a neo-Feminist.

I think it's important to make this distinction because a lot of people declare that they aren't feminists or find feminism aggressive; they think feminism is synonymous with female superiority and exactly the same as man-hating.

Some women label themselves as "Feminists" when they are definitely neo-Feminists: in favour of women being superior to men. This, in turn, ensures that the term "Feminism" is thought to be standing for an aggressive movement, when it is, in fact, the opposite. The use of this term in this way makes people pidgenhole the majority of feminists as man-hating extremists, and therefore discourages other women to speak out for their rights or identity as a feminist, for fear of judgement. 

It has been suggested that the term "Feminism" is too aggressive, and therefore, that it should be changed into something more fitting with what Feminism actually is: wanting equality between men and women, politically, socially and economically. I don't see why the term should be changed just because a few extremists got their hands on a word that means so much to so many people (not just women) all over the world. A lot of the men who have a problem with the over aggression of some feminists have the same problem with them that us feminists have in the first place - inequality due to gender.

While the HeForShe campaign is primarily aimed at benefiting women - because, realistically, inequality affects women, at least in a statistical sense, far more than men - Emma acknowledged that by removing gender stereotypes, men can be free to be sensitive, while women can be free to be strong, and this is why Emma's speech is so important. Suicide is the leading causing of men in the UK between the ages of 20 and 49, and so we need to start thinking about societal expectations negatively affecting men too. 

I think it is so important that men are part of this move for gender inequality, not just because of the benefits it has for them, but also because we can't expect change if we are attempting to mobilise only half of those who may be able to help us. We need everyone to fight for gender inequality, not just one half of the world. 

However, I think it is important to acknowledge as well that some people: male, female, whatever, will be against Feminism, not due to a lack of understanding about the term, but a lack of appreciation or wanting for change to come around. 

If wanting equal pay for equal work isolates some people from me, so be it. If wanting to be able to walk home safely is seen as aggressive, so be it. If wanting to be treated as more than the "F" gender box that I tick is seen as unattractive, then so be it, because I do not exist to be attractive: I exist to be the best possible me, regardless of my sex. 

Emma, thank you so much for reclaiming the term "Feminism", and ensuring that people understand that it is about equality, and how this equality will be beneficial for both men and women. 

Be the voice that you want to hear, be the change that you want to see in the world, and, above all, be the person who you want to be, regardless of your gender.

Lots of love, Laura

P.S. You'll always be more than "that Harry Potter girl" to me.

Victim blaming isn't new, but it's getting old

The recent photograph "scandal" affecting over one hundred celebrity women has shocked and horrified me, however, what (sadly) haven't surprised me have been the reactions that are blaming the women who have had their private photographs shared with the world. Victim shaming and blaming isn't new, but it's getting old and it's getting old fast.

"She shouldn't have taken the photographs" sounds awfully similar to "she shouldn't have been wearing a short skirt", don't you think? Different scenarios, but ultimately blaming victims for an act that only the hackers/ assaulters should be receiving punishment and judgement for. A lack of empathy for the women in this situation is disgusting and really quite heartbreaking - I can imagine they would be feeling unsafe, scared, and possibly embarrassed that something that was meant to be so private can now be accessed all over the world.

People are speaking out about how these women made a mistake. No, I don't think they did. They're saying how they should have known better. NO! That's just like saying someone should know better than to get drunk and walk home alone. That someone should know better than to wear a short skirt. That someone should know better than to take a taxi home by themselves.

Do you know what some people need to know better?

Some people should know better than to prey against a women who has had too much to drink and is just trying to get home safely. Some people should know better than to assault a woman, just because of what she is wearing. Some people should know better than to hack into systems to share photographs that were obviously taken for personal reasons and put somewhere seemingly private.

This person did not just stumble across these photographs - this person went looking for them, hacked into systems, and broke the law. The fact is, this is crime against women. If it was a crime against celebrities, there would be photographs of males amongst the hundreds of women - I'm sure there are at least a few of them floating around on various unprotected iClouds. It was women who were affected, women who are receiving the blame for taking the photographs in the first place, and women who are sick of being blamed and shamed for something that just isn't our fault.

But regardless of the gender who was affected by this crime, celebrities should not have to deal with a complete invasion of their privacy just because their work is seen by millions. By signing a movie deal or a record contract, they are signing to record a movie or an album. They are not signing away their private lives. No one has the right to see anyone else's body without that person's consent. That may be in the case of sexual assault, that may be in the case of photographs, whether they be of a celebrity or someone else. If Jennifer Lawrence (or any of the other celebrities) did not send those photographs to you, what the hell are you doing looking at them? They're none of your business, you're creepy, just stop. If a celebrity appears in a movie or in a photo shoot in various states of undress, that's a completely different situation than what has happened here. A movie intended for mass production and consumption is different to private photographs - the fact that someone had to hack into systems to see them suggests that they were not meant to be viewed by others. Consent is the difference here.

You know what? We learn when we're younger that any photograph we take may end up being seen across the world - I am sure that that risk increases a thousand fold if you live in the public eye. However, that doesn't mean that it's something you should expect, or that it makes it any more okay or understandable for someone to hack into someone's iCloud and share their private photographs. It's just like how, as a young female, I have been taught not to walk home by myself late at night, to reduce my risk of something happening to me. If, however, I did decided to walk home alone, and something did happen, that wouldn't put me in a position of blame (or, at least, it shouldn't - there are plenty of people around the world who would believe it was my error that caused whatever happened to me to occur).

It doesn't make it any more acceptable for what happened to occur. Like many other things, it's a safeguard that we have been taught to protect ourselves and our loved ones against some of the creepers that share our world.

We live in a sad world where things like hacking photographs of celebrity women happens, however it’s sadder still when these women cop the blame for someone else’s reprehensible actions. There are actions that we can take to safe guard ourselves something like this occurring, however not taking these actions does not make it okay for someone to be a victim. It doesn't mean they deserve what happened to them. 

Stop victim blaming, and start perpetrator blaming.