Unusual, then, that I didn't notice the massive lump on the right side of my neck.
About three months ago, I went to see a doctor in relation to a completely separate issue, and before I even sat down to talk to the specialist, he said "wow, that's a big thyroid problem you have". I'd never noticed the large lump on the right side of my neck - I'm still not sure how long it was there for - but there it was.
Your thyroid looks like a butterfly and is found on your neck. It's one of the largest endocrine glands in your body (thank you Wikipedia) and consists of two interconnected lobes. The function of the thyroid (in non medical terms) is to release the hormones that regulate how a lot of how your body works. It's pretty small, but it's also pretty busy.
I had some tests, and after seeing both a thyroid surgeon and an endocrinologist, it was decided that while there was a large lump on the right half of my thyroid (taking up 90% of that half, in fact), there was nothing sinister about it and that it would be fine to leave everything be. If the cyst did need to come out though, I was told, my entire right thyroid would have to be removed as the cyst was too far engrained in my thyroid to be removed by itself. My hormone levels were perfect, and a follow up appointment was booked for three months down the track, just to see if anything changed. Due to the cyst being multi chambered, we couldn't perform a needle biopsy to check for the presence of cancer, however the doctors were confident that the risk was incredibly low.
One of my friends named the cyst "Clyde", and so that's what we all called him. People enquired about how he was going, and it sounds quite gruesome and disgusting, but it was all very funny.
Until, all of a sudden, it wasn't.
The lump had been quite sore for awhile, my voice had got a little lower, and I could definitely feel that the lump was pressing on my windpipe, which it hadn't been before. As it was only a few weeks until the appointment with the surgeon, we decided to wait until then. My appointment was on Monday the 13th of October, the Wednesday before I had to have an ultrasound, and on Friday morning we received a call from the surgeon telling us that the lump had grown quite a bit and it was going to need to come out.
When I was first told about the potential for a surgery, back in July, the scar was mentioned. I wasn't worried at all, and joked about how I'd have a battle scar and I didn't care at all. I wish I could say I reacted this way when I was told my right thyroid definitely had to be removed. I wish I could say that I brushed off the idea of a scar and that I was completely fine with the idea, however in all honesty, I really wasn't. It's funny, because I never considered myself that vain before, but I was devastated with the knowledge that I was going to permanently have a huge line across my neck and that there was nothing I could do about it.
I saw the surgeon in our scheduled appointment time that morning, and that afternoon, at 4pm, I had surgery to have my right thyroid gland removed, called a hemi thyroidectomy. When I woke up I spent some time in recovery ("You have a fever, they cook the patients in those operating theatres I swear"), and then was moved up to a nice ward. The first thing I did (after requesting and receiving dinner) was to put on the news - I knew that I would be upset about the scar, and so I wanted to get some perspective on life.
So, what happened after the surgery?
The general anaesthetic really rattled me, and Friday was the first day I made it without a nap - it might have helped that I slept until 11. I wasn't in much pain until Friday, and since then I have been quite uncomfortable. The location of the surgery means that moving my neck is, quite literally, a pain in the neck (ahh good one Laura), it's quite painful to swallow which makes eating difficult, and it also means my voice is nice and croaky (and squeaky sometimes).
Why am I writing this blog post?
Firstly, hey, I now have a massive scar on my neck, and this is why!
Secondly is for awareness. It concerns me a little to think about how long this cyst would have been there before I noticed it - we still don't know how long it was there for before the other specialist saw it. I was so lucky that the lump was found when it was - if we'd only noticed the lump when it started hurting, in September, we wouldn't have known that it had grown and so it would have had to be removed (if it grew more, which my surgeon has since told me it would have) in December. This would have put my plans for next year - six months in England on exchange - in jeopardy.
And finally, I wrote this post just to put down my thoughts.
This was something that rocked me a bit, although I never got super upset over it. However, yeah, it was quite scary. A lot of people commented that they were much more worried than I was, and I think it was like that for a few reasons. Firstly, there wasn't much I could do about it so there wasn't too much point in getting flustered. Secondly, I was going to be asleep for it so it wasn't really my problem. And thirdly, I thought it was quite a small surgery - I didn't realise the extent of it until after.
I wrote some of this post right after my ultrasound, and the majority on Sunday the 19th of October, however I'm adding a small bit now (Monday the 20th of October). I'm out of the house today, still struggling to move my neck a lot (me walking through uni is a fairly unique vision), however feeling much better. I saw my surgeon this morning, and am so thankful to be able to say that, following pathology tests, the cyst and my thyroid are cancer free. We don't know why Clyde grew, but he did. In a few weeks I'll have some blood tests to check my thyroxine levels, and after that, well, we'll see.
I also saw my actual scar for the first time this morning, after the final dressings were removed, and no, I'm not going to lie, it really isn't the prettiest thing out. It's a lot smaller than I was expecting, it's not as dark in colour, but I still have a scar stretching across my neck that wasn't there before. You can see it in t shirts, and I'm sure some people saw it at uni today and thought it was a bit unusual. But, strangely, I'm at peace with my new "battle scar".
My neck and collarbones have always been up there with my favourite body parts - when you have size 11 feet and a huge nose, you tend to appreciate the more delicate of your qualities. Unusual, then, that I have a fairly ugly scar right across the front of my neck.
More unusual, I guess, is that (surprisingly), I don't mind.
P.S. I also wanted to say thank you for the support I have received from my beautiful family and friends - I have been showered with love, chocolate, ice cream and presents, none of which I deserved, but everything that made the last week a little easier. I had some lovely visitors, as well as countless texts and messages of support from my good friends and family members. Thank you all so much - I was definitely cheered up a lot.
