Once upon a time (last week), in a land far away where sexism was totally still a thing (it's Perth), a student magazine at a leading Perth university published screenshots proving that a few students had created, and subsequently commented in, a private men's rights Facebook group. This group basically existed as a safe place for sexist comments and photographs to be shared. Some of these men were presidents of societies at said university, and some of them were running in the upcoming student elections. However, these screenshots were a little bit old - not old enough to be rendered redundant, but old enough that they, perhaps, should have been shared a little bit earlier, and not around the time of some elections. As per usual, I decided that something like this needed my comment on it, and so here we are.
Now, I've been biding my little blogging tongue because I didn't want to publish anything that could be accused of being for a political purpose. Enough accusations have been made around this issue and it's time we stop sidestepping around what really needs to be talked about. I'm not going to name names because that's been done. I don't need to point fingers, I don't need to throw [too much] shade. I want to talk about why this whole chain of events bothered me.
I often write about situations like this that I have come across, and while they always upset me, I have never been as rattled as I have been about this. Perhaps it's because, while I try to put myself in the shoes of other women when I write about particular issues of oppression, it has never been my peers who think rapes jokes are funny/ think safe spaces to share sexism are necessary/ pretend to be super for women while they are doing this. When I saw these screenshots, my heart broke a little. Suddenly, I don't feel quite as safe at university.
Firstly, to the ladies at this magazine: I want to say well done for providing an article that would have been very hard to write - you knew that you would be criticised, yet you wrote it anyway. When I write about how I am disappointed in who leaked the screenshots, it's not you I'm talking about - it's the anonymous source. It's not easy to share what you did, and I honestly believe that you did the right thing. You have done an absolute ripper of a job - you've remained impartial, you've let both sides speak, and I really admire your integrity. I only hope that soon, the article that started all of this will be visible. It's a shame that a university such as the one I am writing about values its image more than it does the issue of sexism on campus. Perhaps, instead of covering it up, this is an issue that needs to be discussed and shared around.
This entire issue has definitely been a little reminder for all of those avid social media users out there (myself included) - nothing you post on the internet is a secret. If it's there, it's there for all eyes to see. Completely beside the point, but still a notable heads up that in this age of everything being so public, literally everything can be seen, even if you think that it is secret.
And now, onto the big issues.
I am a female (surprise). And usually; in fact, far, far more often that not, this is not an issue. It shouldn't be, but, like we all know, it can be. After not liking university for years, I now love it; I go about my daily business and basically just do my thing. And then, sometimes, something like this happens to remind me that sexism on campus, while it may not be overt, is still showing its ugly face - quite often when we least expect it.
I was very, very disappointed that the screenshots were shared to the student magazine when they were - that is, around the time of the student elections, with (probably), the end aim of tarnishing the reputation of some students running for positions. Sexism at universities isn't something that should be used as political fodder. In my opinion, whoever shared these screenshots is a pretty damn average human. Perhaps not as average as the people who created and posted in the group, but still pretty average. This person knew that sharing these screenshots with The Pelican magazine would get tongues wagging.
My oppression is not your playing card. Your final slam down, your draw four, if you will (#throwback to when Uno would ruin families). To whoever released these screenshots when they did, I say this: be ashamed. Perhaps this sexist group made you super happy, maybe you thought "wow, I know exactly when this should be released".
Know this. Know that it's not a game to me, it's not a game to any of the women I know, and it's not a game at our university. Sexism is real, and these screenshots prove it. However, what also proves it is the fact that you used these screenshots as a trap to attempt to make a party in our student elections look bad. You've used sexism as a little bit of a political manoeuvre, and that's not cool.
Now, let's talk about who we're (probably) all here for - those who were members of that Facebook group. These are men who walk around my university as mature, responsible leaders. They are people who have been through high school, and had at least some tertiary education under their belts at the time these screenshots were produced. They were voted into positions of leadership by a variety of people, women falling into that category. And yet, they still found it to be appropriate to start a Facebook group to harbour sexism. If these educated men think that this is acceptable, then god, what hope is there for the rest of us?
It's ironic that the very Facebook group that belittled our Women's Collective showed exactly why it is necessary. The Collective is there to support women. Guys, there is nothing wrong with checking your privilege and admitting that, in this department, you have a leg up. I recognise that there is privilege associated with being white and straight, which is a shame, but there is. There is also privilege associated with being male, and that is why the Collective exists: to support women, draw attention to unfairness as a result of our gender, and give women a helping hand if they need it.
No one in this world needs a safe space to harbour anything sexist, racist, ableist, transphobic, or homophobic.
To those who are worried that those affected won't be able to get jobs after/ will get in trouble at university/ will have their lives implicated, I have a few things to say. Firstly, I don't feel bad because those people didn't feel bad when they were writing in that group. Secondly, these people hold/ held the attitudes that make it hard for women to get jobs. And finally, don't worry because the world is full of sexist leaders - and I think our university has made it pretty obvious who they will be protecting in all of this.
People can harp on about how those who created, joined and wrote in this group have changed, but think about this. These men didn't share their views with the world - they put them in a closed page. They knew that what they were saying was wrong. While the page description may have read 'invite whoever', this was a closed Facebook group, where only people who, I presume, shared the group's values, could be invited. This also includes whoever was able to screenshot these images, and then use them for political fodder later on.
They posted these things and then continued to walk around my university - a place where I come to learn, socialise, and be accepted as who I am - as accepting human beings who strove for equality. They supported women - to their faces. They were adults then, they are adults now. They were university students then, they're university students now. They were leaders then, they are leaders now. Do the maths, and don't be naive.
The only thing that has changed is that now we all know.
I know that there are bigger issues in the world than this. I know that there are bigger issues in feminism than this. But when a few, supposedly educated, privileged men seemingly mock my oppression, it takes away some of the hope that I have for the rest of the world.
Equality? Acceptance? Fairness? Pursing the impossibility of a society where your gender doesn't matter?
Please. Give me a break.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Sunday, September 20, 2015
An open letter to 720AM
To whom this may concern,
I'm going to kick things off by being completely honest: 720AM is not usually a show that I choose to put on. If I'm listening to the radio, I tend to be more of a 93.7 kind of girl, looking for a little bit of Taylor Swift and Beyonce to fuel my mornings. However, that said, my parents are definitely into their 720AM, and so it is often playing in our kitchen during the day.
On the morning of the 27th of August, I was driving my dad's car and he had previously been listening to 720AM, so I left it on for the short drive home. This was the day when the segment about the Manchester University Study on women becoming increasingly overweight now that we don't spend our days cleaning was aired, and, in all honesty, I was not too impressed with the discussion that followed, which I found sexist and unnecessary.
You know what? Perhaps the study is right. However, as an Arts student (who is absolutely rubbish at statistics/ mathematics/ numbers in general), I can still look at that study and get out what it was saying: people have put on weight because we do not exercise as much anymore, because cleaning in the home is increasingly done by machines such as dishwashers or hired cleaners. I really don't understand why the discussion then centred around the place of women as cleaners in the home.
These are not the kind of conversations we need to be having about women and their place in our society.
They're about how women often don't feel safe walking home at night or when they're with men who they don't know. They're about intersectional feminism - recognising experiences of trans women, queer women, women of colour and differently abled women. We need to talk about discrimination at universities, we need to talk about the underlying misogyny that is harboured by some of our leading males. The conversations that we need to be having about women are about women being powerful.
Conversations about women doing the housework are redundant: they're not needed, they're not relevant, and they're really not funny.
I called up the radio show and told you about how, when I was recently living by myself and cleaning for myself, I put on weight. There goes your argument. What I wished that I also could have told you is that it shouldn't be up to women doing the housework. As adults, the load of housework at home is shared, depending on who is home when, and so on. I'm disappointed that when I called up, the first thing that I was asked on air was whether or not I am a cleaner. I'm disappointed that the woman who called in straight after me was asked the same thing. Funnily enough, none of the men were asked these questions. Regardless, working as a cleaner is a noble profession. It's working for a small amount of money, completing hard, laborious tasks that are time consuming and that other people don't want to do. There is nothing wrong with working as a cleaner.
I ask you what you wanted to gain from starting this discussion: do you think women should always stay at home as housewives? Do you think that women shouldn't work outside of the home? No? Then why bother introducing the study anyway, especially in this way?
A caller who rang in made an inappropriate remark about women looking like cows (or something), and I thank you for immediately apologising for what he said. However, with that in mind, please look at the content of your program and realise that discussions about women doing the housework invite an audience such as him.
As a woman, I have more to offer than clean carpets. I am on my way to graduating with a degree from a good university, I am dedicated, organised, and hard working. I can't make anything special, but I can cook well enough to save myself and I know how to tidy up a house enough to please my parents (not that I often do that - sorry mum and dad). However, these are not skills that are unique to women. They are skills that every person should have.
So please, I implore you: do not litter your radio show with rubbish like that study in the future. There was no need to talk about women as cleaners in any other context aside from how women still face continued oppression and expectations when it comes to the housework. There was absolutely no point to the discussion, and there was no way it was going to go anywhere productive.
Sincerely,
Laura
I'm going to kick things off by being completely honest: 720AM is not usually a show that I choose to put on. If I'm listening to the radio, I tend to be more of a 93.7 kind of girl, looking for a little bit of Taylor Swift and Beyonce to fuel my mornings. However, that said, my parents are definitely into their 720AM, and so it is often playing in our kitchen during the day.
On the morning of the 27th of August, I was driving my dad's car and he had previously been listening to 720AM, so I left it on for the short drive home. This was the day when the segment about the Manchester University Study on women becoming increasingly overweight now that we don't spend our days cleaning was aired, and, in all honesty, I was not too impressed with the discussion that followed, which I found sexist and unnecessary.
You know what? Perhaps the study is right. However, as an Arts student (who is absolutely rubbish at statistics/ mathematics/ numbers in general), I can still look at that study and get out what it was saying: people have put on weight because we do not exercise as much anymore, because cleaning in the home is increasingly done by machines such as dishwashers or hired cleaners. I really don't understand why the discussion then centred around the place of women as cleaners in the home.
These are not the kind of conversations we need to be having about women and their place in our society.
They're about how women often don't feel safe walking home at night or when they're with men who they don't know. They're about intersectional feminism - recognising experiences of trans women, queer women, women of colour and differently abled women. We need to talk about discrimination at universities, we need to talk about the underlying misogyny that is harboured by some of our leading males. The conversations that we need to be having about women are about women being powerful.
Conversations about women doing the housework are redundant: they're not needed, they're not relevant, and they're really not funny.
I called up the radio show and told you about how, when I was recently living by myself and cleaning for myself, I put on weight. There goes your argument. What I wished that I also could have told you is that it shouldn't be up to women doing the housework. As adults, the load of housework at home is shared, depending on who is home when, and so on. I'm disappointed that when I called up, the first thing that I was asked on air was whether or not I am a cleaner. I'm disappointed that the woman who called in straight after me was asked the same thing. Funnily enough, none of the men were asked these questions. Regardless, working as a cleaner is a noble profession. It's working for a small amount of money, completing hard, laborious tasks that are time consuming and that other people don't want to do. There is nothing wrong with working as a cleaner.
I ask you what you wanted to gain from starting this discussion: do you think women should always stay at home as housewives? Do you think that women shouldn't work outside of the home? No? Then why bother introducing the study anyway, especially in this way?
A caller who rang in made an inappropriate remark about women looking like cows (or something), and I thank you for immediately apologising for what he said. However, with that in mind, please look at the content of your program and realise that discussions about women doing the housework invite an audience such as him.
As a woman, I have more to offer than clean carpets. I am on my way to graduating with a degree from a good university, I am dedicated, organised, and hard working. I can't make anything special, but I can cook well enough to save myself and I know how to tidy up a house enough to please my parents (not that I often do that - sorry mum and dad). However, these are not skills that are unique to women. They are skills that every person should have.
So please, I implore you: do not litter your radio show with rubbish like that study in the future. There was no need to talk about women as cleaners in any other context aside from how women still face continued oppression and expectations when it comes to the housework. There was absolutely no point to the discussion, and there was no way it was going to go anywhere productive.
Sincerely,
Laura
Sunday, May 24, 2015
19 kids (but only 10 are counting)
Before I start, I just want to offer a disclaimer of sorts that these are my opinions around a very controversial issue. More information can be found in various news articles. I sincerely hope that those who were victims of this, and similar situations, have found help and that precautions are taken in similar situations so this does not happen again. One of my friends linked me this article which you may find interesting.
The Josh Duggar molestation scandal has come out of the blue over the last few days and has caused various reactions: shock, surprise, "well, with 19 one of them was bound to be crazy".
A lot of people would do anything for their family - people lie, cheat and steal frequently for the ones they love. Had Josh Duggar molested children outside of his family, I would comprehend - not empathise with, but understand at least a tiny bit - why his parents hadn't reported him to the police. Yes, it's wrong; yes, it's disgusting; and yes, it needs to be punished; but people frequently do crazy, wrong, and stupid things to protect their family. It doesn't make sense, but sometimes the love you have for people makes you do incredibly awful things.
However, out of the five girls (not women, girls) that Duggar molested, four of them were his sisters. And yet, his parents did not report him to the police. Yet he was allowed to live in the same house as his sisters. This was not one occasion, this was four (at least), and yet his parents valued the comfort of themselves (living a scandal free life) and their son over the safety of their daughters.
While there has been widespread outrage over the Internet about this revelation, the comments on the TLC post announcing that the show has been cancelled tell a different story. "Let those without sin cast the first stone :(" "I am so very sad! It's the only show I watch! The Duggar family is wonderful! The situation happened 12 years ago and was dealt with. No reason to punish Josh or the Duggar family now. I am disappointed in this decision." "Why would you do that. It's a great show. Admitting to his mistakes just shows that they are just like the rest of us..."
I, for one, find these comments mind boggling. While I admittedly had to scroll past other comments in support of the decision, there were plenty condemning TLC for cancelling the show. The comments opposing the decision had two distinctive categories: firstly, that the Duggars shouldn't be punished, and secondly, that Josh was so young when the molestations occurred that they should be forgotten about.
Many people believed that the Duggars shouldn't be taken off air, after all, it was Josh that made the mistake, right? However, while Josh was responsible for his actions, it was the Duggar family that covered it up. It was the Duggars who decided that no, they wouldn't (initially) report their child to the police. Instead, he got sent away to a church camp (which turned out to be hard labour for a family friend), and when they reported him a year later, no charges were laid and the police officer they reported him to actually ended up being jailed for child pornography.
Commenters also believed that fifteen was too young, that when one is fifteen, they are still a child. But do you know what? Fifteen years old is old enough to know better. Fifteen years old is old enough to know that touching your sisters and another girl inappropriately is not okay. When I was fifteen, I was in year 10. I was picking what subjects I would do that would, to some extent, set me up for what I studied for university. I had a job. I knew right from wrong.
The most bizarre comments though, were the ones that protested that Josh Duggar was innocent. When someone releases a statement saying "[T]welve years ago, as a young teenager I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends..." the general consensus is that they are guilty of what they are being accused of.
On TLC: while I do support their decision to cancel the show, I can't quite comprehend why this wasn't done sooner. Off screen, the Duggars champion multiple anti-gay and anti-abortion causes. Although this hasn't been shown in the show, this channel still made the decision to support a family whose oldest son, in June 2013, became the executive director of the Family Research Council's legislative action branch (he has resigned from this position over the last few days because it turns out that even people who are anti-LGBT and anti-abortion are also opposed to child molesters).
The hypocrisy of this family is disgusting.
The Duggars identify as independent baptists from the "Quiverfull movement" (the specifics seemed to change over different articles I read) and before I go on, I want to assure anyone reading this that I have nothing against any religion. While I'm not going to go into my personal beliefs, I think anyone and everyone should be able to practise whatever religion they want. The issue that I have is when religion is used to justify hatred, discrimination and oppression.
In a February interview with Today magazine, Michelle Duggar said that a woman should always be available to meet her husband's demands: "Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls" (link). In August of last year, Michelle Duggar recorded a transphobic phone call for voters in Fayetteville, Arkansas, encouraging them to vote against a proposed anti-discrimination bill that would allow transgender people to use whichever bathroom they felt the most comfortable in. Duggar proclaimed that "I doubt Fayetteville parents would stand for a law that would endanger their daughters or allow them to be traumatised by a man joining them in their private space. We should never place the preference of an adult over the safety and innocence of a child" (link).
So basically, if you are a boy, you count more than a girl. However, if you are a girl and you can be used to stop equality in its tracks, you are quite useful. If you are a transgender person identifying as a woman, you should not use the bathrooms because you will molest the girls in there. However, if you are a son who admitted to doing the same thing to his sisters and another girl, you can carry on your merry way. I feel like these attitudes are more than a little dated in this world.
They seem like the kind of family someone needs to give a reality TV show to, however, thank goodness it has been cancelled, because this is the last thing I feel like watching.
The Josh Duggar molestation scandal has come out of the blue over the last few days and has caused various reactions: shock, surprise, "well, with 19 one of them was bound to be crazy".
A lot of people would do anything for their family - people lie, cheat and steal frequently for the ones they love. Had Josh Duggar molested children outside of his family, I would comprehend - not empathise with, but understand at least a tiny bit - why his parents hadn't reported him to the police. Yes, it's wrong; yes, it's disgusting; and yes, it needs to be punished; but people frequently do crazy, wrong, and stupid things to protect their family. It doesn't make sense, but sometimes the love you have for people makes you do incredibly awful things.
However, out of the five girls (not women, girls) that Duggar molested, four of them were his sisters. And yet, his parents did not report him to the police. Yet he was allowed to live in the same house as his sisters. This was not one occasion, this was four (at least), and yet his parents valued the comfort of themselves (living a scandal free life) and their son over the safety of their daughters.
While there has been widespread outrage over the Internet about this revelation, the comments on the TLC post announcing that the show has been cancelled tell a different story. "Let those without sin cast the first stone :(" "I am so very sad! It's the only show I watch! The Duggar family is wonderful! The situation happened 12 years ago and was dealt with. No reason to punish Josh or the Duggar family now. I am disappointed in this decision." "Why would you do that. It's a great show. Admitting to his mistakes just shows that they are just like the rest of us..."
I, for one, find these comments mind boggling. While I admittedly had to scroll past other comments in support of the decision, there were plenty condemning TLC for cancelling the show. The comments opposing the decision had two distinctive categories: firstly, that the Duggars shouldn't be punished, and secondly, that Josh was so young when the molestations occurred that they should be forgotten about.
Many people believed that the Duggars shouldn't be taken off air, after all, it was Josh that made the mistake, right? However, while Josh was responsible for his actions, it was the Duggar family that covered it up. It was the Duggars who decided that no, they wouldn't (initially) report their child to the police. Instead, he got sent away to a church camp (which turned out to be hard labour for a family friend), and when they reported him a year later, no charges were laid and the police officer they reported him to actually ended up being jailed for child pornography.
Commenters also believed that fifteen was too young, that when one is fifteen, they are still a child. But do you know what? Fifteen years old is old enough to know better. Fifteen years old is old enough to know that touching your sisters and another girl inappropriately is not okay. When I was fifteen, I was in year 10. I was picking what subjects I would do that would, to some extent, set me up for what I studied for university. I had a job. I knew right from wrong.
The most bizarre comments though, were the ones that protested that Josh Duggar was innocent. When someone releases a statement saying "[T]welve years ago, as a young teenager I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends..." the general consensus is that they are guilty of what they are being accused of.
On TLC: while I do support their decision to cancel the show, I can't quite comprehend why this wasn't done sooner. Off screen, the Duggars champion multiple anti-gay and anti-abortion causes. Although this hasn't been shown in the show, this channel still made the decision to support a family whose oldest son, in June 2013, became the executive director of the Family Research Council's legislative action branch (he has resigned from this position over the last few days because it turns out that even people who are anti-LGBT and anti-abortion are also opposed to child molesters).
The hypocrisy of this family is disgusting.
The Duggars identify as independent baptists from the "Quiverfull movement" (the specifics seemed to change over different articles I read) and before I go on, I want to assure anyone reading this that I have nothing against any religion. While I'm not going to go into my personal beliefs, I think anyone and everyone should be able to practise whatever religion they want. The issue that I have is when religion is used to justify hatred, discrimination and oppression.
In a February interview with Today magazine, Michelle Duggar said that a woman should always be available to meet her husband's demands: "Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls" (link). In August of last year, Michelle Duggar recorded a transphobic phone call for voters in Fayetteville, Arkansas, encouraging them to vote against a proposed anti-discrimination bill that would allow transgender people to use whichever bathroom they felt the most comfortable in. Duggar proclaimed that "I doubt Fayetteville parents would stand for a law that would endanger their daughters or allow them to be traumatised by a man joining them in their private space. We should never place the preference of an adult over the safety and innocence of a child" (link).
So basically, if you are a boy, you count more than a girl. However, if you are a girl and you can be used to stop equality in its tracks, you are quite useful. If you are a transgender person identifying as a woman, you should not use the bathrooms because you will molest the girls in there. However, if you are a son who admitted to doing the same thing to his sisters and another girl, you can carry on your merry way. I feel like these attitudes are more than a little dated in this world.
They seem like the kind of family someone needs to give a reality TV show to, however, thank goodness it has been cancelled, because this is the last thing I feel like watching.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
50 Shades of Abuse, Domestic Violence and Awkwardness...would you like salt on your popcorn?
I'm going to start things off with a little walk down memory lane. Throw your minds back to mid 2012, a simpler time, if you will. Picture little 17 year old Laura, working part time in a book shop - a mind full of wonder, innocence, and hopes for a better world; hair probably tied back with a white ribbon. Am I over doing it? Perhaps, but bear with me.
Always keen for a good book and with an urge to be well read, I consulted the New York Times best seller list in my break to see what should be my next read. "50 Shades of Grey", I thought, brow furrowed as I read, "That's funny. I think we've got that book on the front counter". Alas, we did, and I picked it up, reading the blurb. It didn't sound too bad, the book was on sale - my date with destiny was set - and so I purchased it after my shift, and headed home, my fate sealed with a book that would soon be breaking records world wide.
I am sure you are no stranger to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon - you've possibly read it, you're probably going to see the movie - and because of this, I'm also sure that you're no stranger to the controversy that has surrounded this series. People often roll their eyes when others speak out about this series celebrating domestic violence. "No", they say, a condescending smile on their face (and quite often an eye roll), "It's BDSM. Have you heard of that before?"
Trust me, if I had no idea what BDSM was before I read 50 Shades, I sure do now.
However, it's not BDSM that people have an issue with. According to the BDSM community, in fact, 50 Shades of Grey does not portray BDSM accurately at all. The main issue that a lot of people, myself included, have with the books is that they celebrate and normalise emotional abuse to such an extent that it is considered romantic. Domestic violence all too often is emotional - bullying, stopping the partner from seeing their friends, causing fear in the minds of the victim to the point that their entire life revolves around their abuser.
Emotional abuse is just as dangerous as physical violence because the signs are so much easier to hide. There are no bruises or scars that need to be covered up, but the damage is still there.
Clare Phillipson, director of Wearside Women in Need, a domestic violence charity, highlights that the problem with this book series is that it endorses the ideas that many men exploit to keep women in an abusive relationship: "that you can heal this broken man, that if you just love him enough and take his shit enough, he will get better".
Here are a few examples of quotations from the book that show that this kind of relationship is anything but okay. You can find some of these quotations on movie posters here - they're pretty powerful.
""Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?""
""No, please. I can't do this, not now. I need some time. Please." "Oh Ana, don't overthink this.""
""You need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man." He'd probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing."
It's funny, because while I definitely was a bit unsettled when I read the book, it normalises this relationship to such an extent that it makes it seem okay. It turns domestic violence into a love story, and romanticises the controlling and stalking so much that millions of women (and men) have flocked to the cinemas for the chance to see some sex and a tonne of abuse - wow, what a way to spend Valentine's Day.
50 Shades of Grey is definitely not the first, and sadly won't be the last, element of pop-culture that celebrates the abuse and exploitation of women. Cast your minds back to "Blurred Lines", the horrendously catchy song with the horrendously awful message about how he "know(s) you want it". Or maybe Grand Theft Auto - while I've never played any of the video games in this series, I've heard about how it celebrates the rape of women.
Why is this acceptable? Why is it that women are finding 50 Shades of Grey so romantic? We're a clever bunch - we're not getting sucked in by the abuse, it's something else. Is it the mysteriousness? Is it how Christian showers Ana with gifts? The sex?
But why is this book so 50 Shades of Wrong?
Because Ana loves him out of his moods. Ana loves him out of (some) of his abuse. And in real life, men like Christian Grey, the man that we're all supposed to be swooning over; the man who is supposed to be the equivalent of a Greek god in the 21st century, never change.
So when you go to pick up the book or pay for your movie ticket, think about whether or not emotional violence is something you really want to be endorsing. Think about how this movie normalises an abusive relationship that at times, borders on stalking (and other times is definitely stalking). Instead of spending your money on the movie, donate it to a domestic violence shelter. Alternatively, have a night in with friends; buy $14 worth of chocolate (it'll get you further in Kmart than anywhere else); go to see a different movie; or burn your money and use it to keep you warm in winter.
Do it for yourself, do it for the movement against domestic violence. In the 21st century, we cannot let domestic violence be glamourised like has been in this movie. 1/3 women and 1/4 men have been victims of domestic violence - let's not do them a disservice by turning their ordeal into a love story.
And finally, a message from 17 year old Laura who was absolutely traumatised when she realised it wasn't a vampire story like she originally thought - abuse aside, the book was pretty crap anyway.
Always keen for a good book and with an urge to be well read, I consulted the New York Times best seller list in my break to see what should be my next read. "50 Shades of Grey", I thought, brow furrowed as I read, "That's funny. I think we've got that book on the front counter". Alas, we did, and I picked it up, reading the blurb. It didn't sound too bad, the book was on sale - my date with destiny was set - and so I purchased it after my shift, and headed home, my fate sealed with a book that would soon be breaking records world wide.
I am sure you are no stranger to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon - you've possibly read it, you're probably going to see the movie - and because of this, I'm also sure that you're no stranger to the controversy that has surrounded this series. People often roll their eyes when others speak out about this series celebrating domestic violence. "No", they say, a condescending smile on their face (and quite often an eye roll), "It's BDSM. Have you heard of that before?"
Trust me, if I had no idea what BDSM was before I read 50 Shades, I sure do now.
However, it's not BDSM that people have an issue with. According to the BDSM community, in fact, 50 Shades of Grey does not portray BDSM accurately at all. The main issue that a lot of people, myself included, have with the books is that they celebrate and normalise emotional abuse to such an extent that it is considered romantic. Domestic violence all too often is emotional - bullying, stopping the partner from seeing their friends, causing fear in the minds of the victim to the point that their entire life revolves around their abuser.
Emotional abuse is just as dangerous as physical violence because the signs are so much easier to hide. There are no bruises or scars that need to be covered up, but the damage is still there.
Clare Phillipson, director of Wearside Women in Need, a domestic violence charity, highlights that the problem with this book series is that it endorses the ideas that many men exploit to keep women in an abusive relationship: "that you can heal this broken man, that if you just love him enough and take his shit enough, he will get better".
Here are a few examples of quotations from the book that show that this kind of relationship is anything but okay. You can find some of these quotations on movie posters here - they're pretty powerful.
""Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?""
""No, please. I can't do this, not now. I need some time. Please." "Oh Ana, don't overthink this.""
""You need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man." He'd probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing."
It's funny, because while I definitely was a bit unsettled when I read the book, it normalises this relationship to such an extent that it makes it seem okay. It turns domestic violence into a love story, and romanticises the controlling and stalking so much that millions of women (and men) have flocked to the cinemas for the chance to see some sex and a tonne of abuse - wow, what a way to spend Valentine's Day.
50 Shades of Grey is definitely not the first, and sadly won't be the last, element of pop-culture that celebrates the abuse and exploitation of women. Cast your minds back to "Blurred Lines", the horrendously catchy song with the horrendously awful message about how he "know(s) you want it". Or maybe Grand Theft Auto - while I've never played any of the video games in this series, I've heard about how it celebrates the rape of women.
Why is this acceptable? Why is it that women are finding 50 Shades of Grey so romantic? We're a clever bunch - we're not getting sucked in by the abuse, it's something else. Is it the mysteriousness? Is it how Christian showers Ana with gifts? The sex?
But why is this book so 50 Shades of Wrong?
Because Ana loves him out of his moods. Ana loves him out of (some) of his abuse. And in real life, men like Christian Grey, the man that we're all supposed to be swooning over; the man who is supposed to be the equivalent of a Greek god in the 21st century, never change.
So when you go to pick up the book or pay for your movie ticket, think about whether or not emotional violence is something you really want to be endorsing. Think about how this movie normalises an abusive relationship that at times, borders on stalking (and other times is definitely stalking). Instead of spending your money on the movie, donate it to a domestic violence shelter. Alternatively, have a night in with friends; buy $14 worth of chocolate (it'll get you further in Kmart than anywhere else); go to see a different movie; or burn your money and use it to keep you warm in winter.
Do it for yourself, do it for the movement against domestic violence. In the 21st century, we cannot let domestic violence be glamourised like has been in this movie. 1/3 women and 1/4 men have been victims of domestic violence - let's not do them a disservice by turning their ordeal into a love story.
And finally, a message from 17 year old Laura who was absolutely traumatised when she realised it wasn't a vampire story like she originally thought - abuse aside, the book was pretty crap anyway.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014: The year that was. 2015: The year that will be...?
One of my New Years resolutions this year was to write at least 12 blog posts. I had previously tried to blog before but I had never stuck with it, and this year was the year I decided to really get into it. I started off writing about beauty and lifestyle, but I didn't upload all that often. That changed in May, when I stumbled across the #YesAllWomen movement on Twitter. This was when I realised that I had been writing about what I thought people wanted to read instead of what I cared about, and this is when Laurables took a turn from being my lifestyle/ makeup/ fashion rambles (I occasionally blog about all that jazz at Laura Robin) to being centred on social justice and issues that I believe are important.
I think one of the best things about writing my blog has been it behind me meeting new people and the beginning of new conversations. A few weeks ago I was out with friends at a bar and a girl who I had met a few times before came up and told me that she loved my blog. That's happened a few times and it makes me so incredibly happy because it's creating discussion about issues that (I believe) are important, and that's one of the bits about this blog that I love. It's very touching to hear that someone has enjoyed and believes in something that you have written, so thank you!
2014 was an interesting one - I had a surgery and a few procedures on my back, and while the last half of the year was fairly interesting in regard to my health I'm looking forward to starting 2015 all healthy. I'm halfway through my university degree, and I swapped majors halfway through the year as what I want to do with my life has became a little bit clearer (not lots clearer - I still have about 7 career options!). I also travelled without parents/ teachers for the first time this year to Cambodia and Singapore with a good friend from school. I had an amazing time and I'm planning to do something like that again. I also went to Melbourne to see family, down to Albany for a university trip, and to my friend's farm.
So, what will 2015 bring? I plan to keep writing of course, continuing to focus on issues that are important to me. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them - message me on Facebook, message the Laurables page, or comment on this blog/ a Facebook post. In my actual life, I'll be living away from home for the first time while I study abroad in England (!!!) which has been a dream of mine since I was about 8. I will be keeping a separate blog of my adventures and if you're interested it can be found here - at the moment it has a lot of bad quality iPhone photos of the trip that I am currently enjoying with my immediate family in Europe but there will be more writing once the semester starts.
I feel like I should write a few New Years resolutions because that's really where this blog began. So I'd love to keep writing, become more organised, keep fit (these are getting more and more unlikely) and see as much of the world as I can. One quotation that I read in 2014 that I'd like to keep in mind for the new year - "do what you can, with what you have, where you are".
I'll be celebrating the New Year with my family here in York, England. It will be a warm 7 degrees tonight (as opposed to -2 like it is right now) but we'll probably be asleep when the clock strikes 12. I think I'll be going out to dinner with them, counting the New Year in for Perth (4pm local time), and then head to bed early. Exciting stuff!
Thank you to anyone and everyone who has read, liked, shared or suggested a post this year - I feel like I have finally found a passion and thank you all for supporting it. I hope that you had a wonderful year, and that 2015 is even better for you.
Goodbye 2014 - it has been a great one.
Here's to 2015!
I think one of the best things about writing my blog has been it behind me meeting new people and the beginning of new conversations. A few weeks ago I was out with friends at a bar and a girl who I had met a few times before came up and told me that she loved my blog. That's happened a few times and it makes me so incredibly happy because it's creating discussion about issues that (I believe) are important, and that's one of the bits about this blog that I love. It's very touching to hear that someone has enjoyed and believes in something that you have written, so thank you!
2014 was an interesting one - I had a surgery and a few procedures on my back, and while the last half of the year was fairly interesting in regard to my health I'm looking forward to starting 2015 all healthy. I'm halfway through my university degree, and I swapped majors halfway through the year as what I want to do with my life has became a little bit clearer (not lots clearer - I still have about 7 career options!). I also travelled without parents/ teachers for the first time this year to Cambodia and Singapore with a good friend from school. I had an amazing time and I'm planning to do something like that again. I also went to Melbourne to see family, down to Albany for a university trip, and to my friend's farm.
So, what will 2015 bring? I plan to keep writing of course, continuing to focus on issues that are important to me. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them - message me on Facebook, message the Laurables page, or comment on this blog/ a Facebook post. In my actual life, I'll be living away from home for the first time while I study abroad in England (!!!) which has been a dream of mine since I was about 8. I will be keeping a separate blog of my adventures and if you're interested it can be found here - at the moment it has a lot of bad quality iPhone photos of the trip that I am currently enjoying with my immediate family in Europe but there will be more writing once the semester starts.
I feel like I should write a few New Years resolutions because that's really where this blog began. So I'd love to keep writing, become more organised, keep fit (these are getting more and more unlikely) and see as much of the world as I can. One quotation that I read in 2014 that I'd like to keep in mind for the new year - "do what you can, with what you have, where you are".
I'll be celebrating the New Year with my family here in York, England. It will be a warm 7 degrees tonight (as opposed to -2 like it is right now) but we'll probably be asleep when the clock strikes 12. I think I'll be going out to dinner with them, counting the New Year in for Perth (4pm local time), and then head to bed early. Exciting stuff!
Thank you to anyone and everyone who has read, liked, shared or suggested a post this year - I feel like I have finally found a passion and thank you all for supporting it. I hope that you had a wonderful year, and that 2015 is even better for you.
Goodbye 2014 - it has been a great one.
Here's to 2015!
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
What Christmas Means To Me
Christmas has always been my favourite day of the year - my close friends know that I start getting excited in August, thinking about what presents to buy in October, and put up the decorations in my bedroom in November.
When I was younger I would get beyond giddy about Santa arriving - a favourite holiday story of my family is of the year dad got me so wound up about Santa's path through the sky that mum had to give me Panadol so I'd sleep. Christmas would be at home or in Melbourne - at home, we'd spend the day with my Nanna and uncle with family friends who also didn't have much family in Perth, and over in Melbourne we'd celebrate with my Grandma and all the uncles, aunties and cousins on mum's side of the family.
This year's a bit different because I'm in Germany with my family! While we're usually enjoying the heat (well, sort of) with a huge feast, probably a swim, and definitely some backyard cricket, this year we'll be heading to a restaurant for the first time ever and having a bit of a quiet day. We're expecting a high of 5 degrees Celsius and while we're not holding our breaths for a white Christmas, we should be getting snow on Boxing Day. Instead of piling food on serving trays out of the ovens, we'll be piling on the coats and walking to a restaurant (and I am more than okay with this).
I was absolutely flat out in the run up to Christmas because we left on the 19th of December and I won't be returning home with my family - I'll be in Europe until July on a student exchange program. I didn't put any Christmas decorations up, I barely bought Christmas presents (I know, naughty me) and I didn't make my traditional Christmas cookies. It honestly didn't even feel like Christmas was coming up because I had a to do list a mile long between then and now. Now that it's the night before though, I'm getting so excited - being nearly 20 (oh dear) has not dulled my enthusiasm in the slightest.
So, what does Christmas mean to me?
Christmas means amazing food - I have fond memories from Christmas last year in Melbourne when various family members were lying borderline comatose around the living room after one too many helpings of Christmas dinner. I love the days after Christmas when leftovers are readily available, and the feeling of being uncomfortably full (although last year when I woke up on Boxing Day feeling that way, and continued to overindulge at my Grandma's birthday celebrations, I wasn't quite as pleased with myself).
I love spending time with my family, and that's my favourite part of Christmas. While in the past, I used to get giddy at the prospect of presents, I now relish spending the day with relatives in the eastern states who I only get to see once a year, and having my entire immediate family together. We're all so busy, and Christmas is the one day of the year that the world seems to mostly stop and we all get to spend time together.
This year I'm trying to keep in mind that there are some people who will be spending Christmas without their families, maybe for the first time. With a few tragedies in Australia over the last few weeks, this has been at the forefront of everyone's minds more than ever. So while you're doing your thing at Christmas, spare a thought for those who are missing someone special this year or feeling lonely. Holidays seem to be the time of the year when our losses feel magnified, so I hope that everyone who is without a loved one still has a wonderful day with others who are close to their hearts.
I'm writing this on Christmas Eve, sitting on a couch in Munich. My sister is lounging around and my brother is constructing his Christmas stocking as instructed by mum and dad (my turn next - hopefully it at least somewhat resembles a stocking). My dad is watching some skiing on the TV and my mum is wrapping presents in the room next door.
I just returned from making my Christmas stocking (mine's the best [I decided]) and an impromptu singalong with Mariah Carey to "All I Want For Christmas". We set up a little Christmas tree on the table and now we're setting up to watch Elf.
And while it's different to what my Christmases usually are, it means just as much to me.
I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are, filled with at least some fun, festivities and laughter.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a goodnight!
When I was younger I would get beyond giddy about Santa arriving - a favourite holiday story of my family is of the year dad got me so wound up about Santa's path through the sky that mum had to give me Panadol so I'd sleep. Christmas would be at home or in Melbourne - at home, we'd spend the day with my Nanna and uncle with family friends who also didn't have much family in Perth, and over in Melbourne we'd celebrate with my Grandma and all the uncles, aunties and cousins on mum's side of the family.
This year's a bit different because I'm in Germany with my family! While we're usually enjoying the heat (well, sort of) with a huge feast, probably a swim, and definitely some backyard cricket, this year we'll be heading to a restaurant for the first time ever and having a bit of a quiet day. We're expecting a high of 5 degrees Celsius and while we're not holding our breaths for a white Christmas, we should be getting snow on Boxing Day. Instead of piling food on serving trays out of the ovens, we'll be piling on the coats and walking to a restaurant (and I am more than okay with this).
I was absolutely flat out in the run up to Christmas because we left on the 19th of December and I won't be returning home with my family - I'll be in Europe until July on a student exchange program. I didn't put any Christmas decorations up, I barely bought Christmas presents (I know, naughty me) and I didn't make my traditional Christmas cookies. It honestly didn't even feel like Christmas was coming up because I had a to do list a mile long between then and now. Now that it's the night before though, I'm getting so excited - being nearly 20 (oh dear) has not dulled my enthusiasm in the slightest.
So, what does Christmas mean to me?
Christmas means amazing food - I have fond memories from Christmas last year in Melbourne when various family members were lying borderline comatose around the living room after one too many helpings of Christmas dinner. I love the days after Christmas when leftovers are readily available, and the feeling of being uncomfortably full (although last year when I woke up on Boxing Day feeling that way, and continued to overindulge at my Grandma's birthday celebrations, I wasn't quite as pleased with myself).
I love spending time with my family, and that's my favourite part of Christmas. While in the past, I used to get giddy at the prospect of presents, I now relish spending the day with relatives in the eastern states who I only get to see once a year, and having my entire immediate family together. We're all so busy, and Christmas is the one day of the year that the world seems to mostly stop and we all get to spend time together.
This year I'm trying to keep in mind that there are some people who will be spending Christmas without their families, maybe for the first time. With a few tragedies in Australia over the last few weeks, this has been at the forefront of everyone's minds more than ever. So while you're doing your thing at Christmas, spare a thought for those who are missing someone special this year or feeling lonely. Holidays seem to be the time of the year when our losses feel magnified, so I hope that everyone who is without a loved one still has a wonderful day with others who are close to their hearts.
I'm writing this on Christmas Eve, sitting on a couch in Munich. My sister is lounging around and my brother is constructing his Christmas stocking as instructed by mum and dad (my turn next - hopefully it at least somewhat resembles a stocking). My dad is watching some skiing on the TV and my mum is wrapping presents in the room next door.
And while it's different to what my Christmases usually are, it means just as much to me.
I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are, filled with at least some fun, festivities and laughter.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a goodnight!
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Be a man about it
A good friend of mine contacted me about writing this article, and I am honoured to be able to. Someone who she knew was murdered in Melbourne a few weeks ago. Someone she was at college with went out one Friday night. He was 21 years old, a third year student at the University of Melbourne. He did what a lot of young people do - celebrated the end of the week out with some mates.
The only difference is that Josh Hardy didn't come home.
Shortly after 1am on that Saturday morning, Josh was attacked outside a McDonald's restaurant. This attack rendered him unconscious, before he passed away in the early hours of Saturday. While these devastating deaths often occur after a "coward's punch" (formally known as a king hit), Josh was brutally stomped on.
Josh had a mother, a father, a sister. He had a future, he had goals. And now that has all been taken away from him. It is so unfair that someone who meant so much to so many people could be taken away so quickly in an act of violence initiated by someone he didn't even know.
While there has been legislation put in place with mandatory sentencing laws, I don't think this is where the change needs to start. When these men are pulling their fist back, they aren't thinking about the 10 years that they are getting for a coward's punch. They're not thinking about the lives that they are ruining - including their own. They're thinking that this is the fastest, easiest and best way of solving the problem - and this is what needs to change.
While there has been legislation put in place with mandatory sentencing laws, I don't think this is where the change needs to start. When these men are pulling their fist back, they aren't thinking about the 10 years that they are getting for a coward's punch. They're not thinking about the lives that they are ruining - including their own. They're thinking that this is the fastest, easiest and best way of solving the problem - and this is what needs to change.
In Australia, we have such a culture of being a "bloke"; being a man, being strong, being masculine. It's cool to be rough, it's cool to be tough, it's cool to stand up for yourself and it's cool to get into a fight. But anyone who is reading this, I implore you to understand just this: you are no less strong or masculine if you walk away from a fight. You are no less of a man if you choose not to engage in this sort of behaviour. There is nothing wrong with walking away from a fight.
While women are also involved in random incidents of violence such as this (glassing incidents come to mind), I think it would be ignorant of me to say that this is a problem that both genders are faced by equally. Although I do write a lot about how gender inequality has negatively impacted my life, and the lives of females throughout the world, I also want to write about how gender inequality negatively impacts males. Men are taught to be strong and powerful; they are taught that they need to protect their pride; and they are taught that a lot of this power comes from their physical strength. Maybe all of these things are true and important, maybe they're not. What is true, though, is that this can't be all men value themselves for. We need our young men to understand that they are valued for their thoughts, their feelings, and just being them. We don't value them for their physicality, and we definitely don't want the things we love about a person being taken away in a split second because of theirs, or someone else's, split second decision.
The man who was responsible for this attack handed himself into police the morning after the incident after he heard reports about what had happened. This is not a man who is trying to run away from the law. This is a man who was also having a night out on the town - something that ended with devastating consequences. There is no doubt in my mind that this man is the party who is at fault for this - this is the man who made the decision that killed someone. However it was a split second decision, and this is why our culture needs to change.
While women are also involved in random incidents of violence such as this (glassing incidents come to mind), I think it would be ignorant of me to say that this is a problem that both genders are faced by equally. Although I do write a lot about how gender inequality has negatively impacted my life, and the lives of females throughout the world, I also want to write about how gender inequality negatively impacts males. Men are taught to be strong and powerful; they are taught that they need to protect their pride; and they are taught that a lot of this power comes from their physical strength. Maybe all of these things are true and important, maybe they're not. What is true, though, is that this can't be all men value themselves for. We need our young men to understand that they are valued for their thoughts, their feelings, and just being them. We don't value them for their physicality, and we definitely don't want the things we love about a person being taken away in a split second because of theirs, or someone else's, split second decision.
The man who was responsible for this attack handed himself into police the morning after the incident after he heard reports about what had happened. This is not a man who is trying to run away from the law. This is a man who was also having a night out on the town - something that ended with devastating consequences. There is no doubt in my mind that this man is the party who is at fault for this - this is the man who made the decision that killed someone. However it was a split second decision, and this is why our culture needs to change.
I'm writing this, not only to the men who may be victims, but to those who may be perpetrators as well. These men were innocent until the cowardly punched someone else - an act of drunken violence that, while it doesn't excuse their actions at all, was a split second decision that has now changed their lives forever. These men are also someone's brother, son, boyfriend, friend. I completely support mandatory sentencing for coward's punch attacks, however I think the actual culture of nightlife and of young men in Australia needs to be changed.
I don't want there to be a reason to put these young men away. I don't want there to be a reason that we are honouring another young man who was just trying to have a good night out with his friends.
Let it go. If someone knocks into you, spills your drink, whatever, just walk away. I promise you that it's not worth getting involved - it was probably an accident, and if it wasn't, you don't want to get involved with them anyway. If you are the one who bumps into someone or knocks their drink accidentally, apologise if you feel the situation warrants it. Sure, it was a complete accident, but sometimes being safe is more important than being right.
You tell me what is more cowardly: walking away from an altercation, or throwing a punch at someone who had their back turned?
So, while the man who was responsible for this is in my thoughts because of a split second decision that he made while he was probably drunk, the fact remains that he did the wrong thing. He took away the life of a young man who was successful, a good friend, a devoted family member and part of his community. He made a split second decision that has ricocheted out of control, hitting more people than they probably ever knew was possible. He made a choice.
Josh didn't.
Next time you go out, I want you to make a choice. Make a choice to be a man (or woman) about it, and say no to these acts of violence that are destroying people's lives.
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